My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
