Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
