I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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