New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
