don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
