So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
