I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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