3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
