I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
