carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
try to milk me bitch
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