So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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