Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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