it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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