I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
