So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
