Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
pray to the hookup gods
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
