Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
