i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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