At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
