By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
