I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
