She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
