you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're like the curious george of whores
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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