Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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