At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
