i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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