when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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