They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
