hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
