i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
