3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
