my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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