After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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