I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
