I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Houston, we have a squirter
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
