Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
