Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
