You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This house was built for laser tag.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
