so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
