I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
