I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
