he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
