God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
