The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
