Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
