piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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