I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
