Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
