my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
