Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
