hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
