Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
