Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
