I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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