i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
