i jhust puked up my retainher.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
